Texas- part 1.


Howdy y’all…

I’m here in the Lone Star state, and yes, everything really is bigger in Texas. Seriously. Not just big. HUGE. The highways are bigger. The stores are the size of stadiums, the rest stops like shopping malls. Road signs, bridges, parking lots, ranches, billboards, urinals, you name it– it’s bigger here.

Then there are the bugs.

Our Honda Element is proving to be an awesome road trip vehicle– it’s like having a little cabin on wheels, full of boxy room to stretch, throw stuff around, and work on the laptop. But because of its snub-nosed shape, the interaction between insect and vehicle is both vicious and constant. I learned this after we first bought it in Portland and drove out to the Gorge. Whap! …Whap! …Smack! Bug after bug hit the windshield and I would say a small prayer for each little bastard.

Now in Texas, the land of giant everything, the bugs started to hit the windshield and we would literally flinch,  jump in our seats, and cover our eyes. “KA-BOOM!” “BLAM!” The road from El Paso to Austin was a non-stop Jackson Pollock portrait on the windshield. Wiper fluid was running out fast. Flying things the size of small birds kamikazeed into us and left behind remnants too gross to describe. And each one of them would lift their huge-tiny heads, and gasp their last dying words to us– “y’all take care now– hear?”

The road is long and the brain can only take so much…

It just so turns out we drove into Austin along one of Texas’ wine trails, on I-290. Who knew there were so many wineries in cowboy country? Over 100! Were we able to get into any of these? Of course not! We happened to be passing by all these wineries at 6, 7 PM. Closin’ time. By the way, everythin’ in Texas that ends with a “g”, well, doesn’t end with a g. Interestin’, huh? Here’s a picture of me tryin’ to get into Grape Creek Vineyards, the self-proclaimed “Tuscany in Texas” winery (notice how big the gate and driveway is… creepy, isn’t it?).

Ready to kick some cowboy butt...

Ready to kick some cowboy butt…

So did I get to taste some Texan wine? Did we get crushed by a giant armadillo? Did we find the missin’ g at the end of words?

Well y’all just have to wait to the next post. Texas is just too durn big to write about in one post. And besides, I’ve got lots more drivin’ to do…

Y’all take care now.



~ by Jared on April 8, 2009.

4 Responses to “Texas- part 1.”

  1. I say put in a new windshiled and sell your “painted” one on ebay. It’ll pay for your entire trip!

    • Thanks for the tip there, maam. I know a thing or two about buyin’ and sellin’…

      So long now,

      ~The Outlaw

  2. “Shoot low, they might be crawlin’!”
    That, my friend, is from a bumper sticker on my grandmother’s truck. She was from Waco. Texas blood runnin’ through my veins! NOOOOoooooooo!

    • I knew it…

      Not to worry, I’ll send you a bottle of sweet Texan Muscadine right away. Mmm-mm!

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